Why Can’t I Maintain Friendships? Let’s Find Out

Why can’t I maintain friendships?

When it comes to maintaining your personal relationships, a lot of the time we either think of family or dating partners that we have to take care of. But we don’t think about friends and how we have to maintain our friendships as well. I have made this mistake myself and yes, if you don’t take care of your friendships, they could deteriorate and discontinue altogether.

But it’s more than just keeping in touch with your friends; how you treat them is another issue as well. There are so many reasons why your friendships may fail and today, I wanted to go over the main things that could potentially cause them to fail.

In this post, I’ll go over 5 different reasons to answer the question, “Why can’t I maintain friendships?” Whether it’s keeping in contact or treating your friends the right way, all these things can be a significant factor in the quality of your friendships. Knowing these things can help maintain quality friendships.

Alrighty let’s get into it.

1. You’re too busy to keep up.

The first and foremost reason why you may be having problems maintaining your friendships; being too busy. I myself have been guilty of this.

With the way the economy is, we are needing to spend more time trying to earn more money. On top of that, you might have family obligations such as taking care of loved ones or your kids, especially if you’re in your 30s. With so little time to dedicate to your friends, we can easily forget to see and hangout with them. And over time, you guys may forget about the friendship you’ve had.

There is no easy answer to this issue, as we can’t just make more time with friends. And I wouldn’t count online conversations as a reliable way to maintain your friendships; meeting in-person is still far better and more immersive.

One advice I would give is by simply combining your chores or tasks to coincide with your time with friends. For example, if you go to the gym or exercise, why not invite your friends along? Not only do you get a workout in, you can spend some quality time with friends!

2. Viewing friends as transactional.

I’ve seen this happen a lot when I deal with people. Intentionally or unintentionally, you may have a tendency to view your friends as transactional. That means you only want to hang out with them when they are of use to you.

Some examples include:

• Asking to hangout with a friend so you can get a free car ride with them
• Getting your friends to pay for your food/drinks (or freeloading off them)
• You want friends to hangout when it’s convenient for you, but not the other way around

Trust me, people catch on to these things. When a friendship is just a convenient excuse to leech off someone in various ways, people do not appreciate that. When they do notice, they’ll either want to spend less time with you, or avoid hanging out with you altogether.

So if you’re finding yourself doing these things all the time, then you need to change the way you view your friends. Although it’s okay to ask for favors from friends, if you do it all the time, they will feel like they’re being used. And you don’t want that.

Which leads me to my next point…

3. You’re not giving enough value.

I’ve mentioned this in my other blog posts, but friendships are truly about giving and taking. And in order to maintain healthy friendships, you should be in the mindset of being okay with giving a little to your friendship.

Now that doesn’t mean being a rug to be walked all over! Not at all. I just mean that you’ll want to be a friend that’s known to be a selfless person.

This can include:

• Being okay with friends making plans that you may not prefer. An example is watching a movie you may not be interested, but okay to come just so you can hang with friends)
• Being a good listener and hearing what your friends have to say. Yes, being a listener makes you a valuable friend! The opposite is you being the only one talking and not listening.
• Always willing to help your friends out.

There is so much to giving value in a friendship, but I do have a lot of posts on this blog regarding this topic. You can read them to learn more!

4. Stagnation.

This one is a little more complicated. But in general, life is not stagnant and it’s always changing. As a person, in my opinion you always have to adapt and be aware of your situation. Because not only do you change, but so do others, including your own friends.

If only it was so easy to have a few good friends and be able to maintain that quality level friendship permanently, then it would be awesome! Unfortunately, things may not work out that way. Your friends may change and you may change, so your friendships may also change. For example, some friends may have a change in opinions on certain topics and that might affect your friendship if viewpoints clash. Or your own standards may change and the things you used to put up with your friends, you might not want to anymore.

Basically, staying still and expecting things to be the same usually doesn’t happen. Friendships do change and all you can do is be your best self to maintain these friendships. If not, then you have to get out there to look for new friendships when things do change for you.

5. You’re hanging with the wrong people.

This reason is pretty simple and may have nothing to do with you. Having the wrong type of friends will make it difficult for you and them to maintain a quality friendship.

I remember seeing an acquaintance of mine getting treated very poorly by their circle of friends. And to me, it wasn’t really my friend’s fault; it was the people they associated with, they were the problem.

Not everyone is insightful enough to know who would make a good or bad friend. And it’s hard to know someone without spending time with them. So if you find yourself dealing with difficult people, then perhaps it’s time to cut them out of your friend circle and to find new friends instead.

Summary

To summarize, here are the 5 reasons to answer the question, “Why can’t I maintain friendships”:

1. You’re too busy to keep up.
2. Viewing friends as transactional.
3. You’re not giving enough value.
4. Stagnation.
5. You’re hanging with the wrong people.

And there you have it; 5 reasons why you may be finding it difficult to maintain your friendships. I hope you found this post informative and helpful.

If you have any questions or comments you want to share, leave them in the comments below.