Why Am I Jealous? Here’s What To Do About It
Why am I jealous?
That’s a question that you might have asked yourself, consciously or subconsciously. If you have felt jealous at times, don’t feel bad. According to various studies, jealously is hard- wired into our evolutionary brain. After all, we need social relationships in order to truly survive in this world (both our ancestors and us today). So if our relationships are compromised, then we need jealousy to make it a priority to fix them.
But what causes us to be jealous? And what are the steps we should take when we feel jealous? Because while it may have served us well when we were hunter gatherers, acting on your jealousy today can be VERY destructive and ruin your friendships altogether. While we should acknowledge our jealousy, we need to respond to it in the right way. And that’s what I’ll be talking about today.
In this post, I’ll go over 5 reasons to answer the question, “Why am I jealous?” Dealing with jealousy is not easy, but this post will help. Whether you feel these things naturally or want to control, this article will go over the best ways to deal with jealousy in a mature and successful manner.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
1. You are worried about losing a friend.
The first and probably foremost reason why you feel jealous is because you’re afraid of losing a friend. I know it sounds crazy, but when we are really invested in a good friendship, the last thing we want to happen is to lose that friend. And we may rationally or irrationally believe we are going to lose them. Our mind likes to play tricks on us.
Here are some potential scenarios where jealousy comes in where you feel you’re losing a friend:
- You see them hanging out with people that you don’t know.
- They make a new friend that doesn’t like you.
- They’re talking to you less often than usual.
What to do about it
I’d say it’s pretty normal to have these types of feelings with friends, especially if you cherish them dearly. The best way to deal with jealousy associated with losing a friend is by having good and honest conversations with them. If they still value and respect you, then they will let you know. And if they are talking to you less often, perhaps there is an underlying issue between you two that needs to be resolved. Again, good and honest conversations can deal with these things.
2. You feel inferior.
Listen, we are always comparing ourselves to others. And at times, it makes us feel inferior. This definitely applies to friendships because like it or not, a lot of people are always looking for the next best thing. And because of this, it makes us feel jealous when we think we aren’t living up to our standard.
The most obvious situation in my opinion where your jealousy pops up; your friends start to hangout with people cooler, better looking or richer than you are. It happens a lot of people, including myself. You’re thinking, “I can’t compete with that!” The feelings of inferiority kick in, and jealous habits may take place.
What to do about it
If you were expecting me to tell you to make more money or have plastic surgery to compete with those friends, think again! That is not the way to go. While I always think you should improve yourself in many aspects of life (health, finance, relationships), it should mainly be for you and not for others. And if your friends only care that you’re rich or hot, what does that say about them?
What is important however, is how you treat them and how they treat you. A good person will treat their friends really well and they are valuable people that many want to keep, no matter how ugly or poor they may be. While you may not completely control your looks or finances, you can control how you treat your friends. And I think by having this skill or trait, you won’t feel jealous when you know that you make a good friend.
3. You are being disrespected.
Another influence of jealousy in friendships is when you feel disrespected. Sometimes your friends act out of line and do things make you feel belittled. Or they do something that gets you angry.
And the jealousy comes when you see other friend circles and how they get treated better than you do. How only if you can have friends who always treat you right and never say bad things about you!
What to do about it
There are two sides to this coin.
On one hand, your friends should be treating you good for the most part. If they are always disrespecting you, then it’s time to bring it up and address it. Maybe there’s an underlying issue that hasn’t been resolved and you need to do so. Or your friends or simply unaware and you just need to let them know.
On the other hand, there is no truly perfect friend. Your friends will make mistakes. You make mistakes. They will act out of line and make you feel jealous. But that’s what good friends are for. Your friendship will stand the test of time. There will mostly good moments but sometimes bad. You just need to stay the course and not let your emotions get the better of you. Always remember that a good friend will want what’s best for you.
4. Anxiety.
This one is pretty straightforward. You get anxious. And anxiety can lead to irrational thoughts, including jealousy. As someone who has dealt with anxiety, I can tell you that your mind can be difficult to work with when you’re anxious. It can really affect friendships.
Unfortunately, anxiety is something that doesn’t truly go away. But it is definitely something you can manage and live with. In some ways, it can serve you in a positive way! There are many resources out there that can help with anxiety, including professional help.
5. You want something better.
Last but not least, you can feel jealous if you feel like you could be having better friends. This is like the opposite of point number 2; instead of you feeling inferior, you’re the one who is feeling too superior to your friends.
If you watch television and see all those cool beautiful people that are rich and well-off, meanwhile your own circle of friends are anything but that, you might feel jealous. While I believe a lot of people fear loneliness and likely don’t experience these particular jealousy, it can happen to others.
What to do about it
If you feel like your current group of friends is inferior, you should first ask yourself why do you want “better” friends? Is it because you want access to more superficial things like VIP status or luxury goods? Is it because you’re afraid of how people perceive you with your friends (ie “Your friends are losers, therefore you must be a loser too!”).
If the main reason why you feel jealous is for your own ego, then you’ll probably still feel unhappy even if you did get hotter or richer friends. Remember that how your friends treat you is the most important thing.
Summary
To summarize here are the 5 reasons to answer the question of jealousy:
- You are worried about losing a friend.
- You feel inferior.
- You are being disrespected.
- Anxiety.
- You want something better.
And there you have it; why you feel jealous in a friendship and what to do about it. Hopefully this post was helpful to you!
