Vulnerability And Friendships – Why You NEED To Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability and friendships!

You know, vulnerability is something I only discovered in my adult life. Perhaps you can relate. When I was growing up as a kid, I always assumed that you need to be tough and strong. I was definitely influenced by my environment, both in my family and school life. Coming off as weak and exposed was seen in a bad light.

And when I think about it, at the time it made sense. Bring tough and strong helped you survive all the bullies around you in school. Or if you have a rough family life, showing a strong face can perhaps help you get through it.

But when it came to adult life, having this toughness will actually work AGAINST you! Yes, I learned this the hard way. Why is this the case? This is what we will be talking about today!

In this post, I’ll go over vulnerability and friendships and everything you need to know. I’ll go over the reasons why you need to let yourself be vulnerable with friends in order to connect with them, and the steps you can take. Knowing vulnerability can help your friendships so much.

Without further ado, let’s get started!

Why being tough works against you.

Being tough, strong and closed off can work well in certain scenarios. If you’re in a hostile environment, it can be great and help you cope and deal with it mentally and emotionally.

But when it comes to making friends and bonding with them, it’s terrible!

Take me for example. While I did have friends back then, I found it really hard to connect with them on a deeper level. Why? Because I wouldn’t let myself be vulnerable with them. I would only talk about “surface” level conversations, such as what we did for a living, what we do for fun and the weather. Conversations like these are great when you first meet someone. But not so great if you want to keep them as friends.

Without sharing your more vulnerable sides such as your personal life or the weaknesses you may have, how can people relate to you at all? If you’re always talking about surface level topics, then your friendships are only going to be ones like you met on the first day.

Also, the problem with not being vulnerable is that your friends can’t relax and be honest with you. If you always have your guard up with your friends, then naturally your friends will feel the same.

Another issue is that being tough and invulnerable with them, it breeds a sense of dishonesty (click here to read why friends lie to you). They feel like you’re hiding something, whether you’re doing it intentionally or not. How can you NOT have personal stuff to share with them? If you don’t share with them, do you have something to hide? These are questions that your friends will be asking. And when you’re not honest with friends, it can compromise or even ruin friendships.

As you can see, not being vulnerable can cause all sorts of issues with friends. But now let’s see how it can help.

Why being vulnerable helps you with friendships.

At first it might seem counterintuitive that being vulnerable helps with your friendships. After all, you might be thinking that you’re sharing your “baggage” with them.

But that’s not the case at all! Being vulnerable is not sharing your baggage. I’d say that being vulnerable is more about sharing your personal side to allow your friends to be closer with them. For example, maybe you’ve had many failures in life, such as finding a dating partner. While it may seem weird to share this, it actually helps if your friends have also experienced heartbreak in their dating lives. It helps you to relate to each other more easily, and you can be there for each other when needed.

Which leads me to my next point; you want to portray yourself as “imperfect.” After all, we’re all human full of weaknesses. You want to show to your friends that you’re not perfect and that you’re like them. If you portray yourself as perfect and tough, it’s harder for your friends to be closer with you. Showing your vulnerability helps you to be “one of them.”

So in short, being vulnerable is not about showing you’re desperate or below your friends. Not at all. In fact, being vulnerable shows you’re not on a pedestal either, and that you’re on the same level as your friends. And by doing that, you’ll find it easier to connect with your friends!

What you can do to be more vulnerable.

Now that we understand why being vulnerable is important, here are some techniques to help you do so:

• Sharing your personal stories with friends. The easiest way to connect with friends on a personal level is by sharing your personal stories with them. And when I say personal, I’m not talking about stuff like your job or your favorite food. I’m talking stuff that you probably wouldn’t share with someone when you first meet them. Things like your family life, crazy travel stories and the love relationships you’ve had. By sharing these stories, you’re probably sharing stuff that’s both personal and vulnerable.
• Helping your friends with things they struggle with. Another way to be vulnerable is by helping them out when needed. This is more of an indirect way to be vulnerable, but still very effective! Say your friend is bad at exercising, and you’re helping them to get fit. While you’re helping them, you can share how you used to be out of shape and the things you did to get more physically fit. By doing this, you’re showing that you can relate to them and their struggles, that you’re on the same page as them. Not everyone is good at everything, and that’s where your strengths can help with weaknesses.
• Sharing secrets. Last but not least, you can simply share some secrets about your life that you wouldn’t normally tell people. Again, it shows that you’re not perfect and that you are prone to ups and downs in life, like they are. Sharing secrets is something that people don’t normally do, and by doing so with friends, you are giving them your trust. That takes vulnerability to do, and you are trying to connect with your friends by sharing secrets!

Conclusion

I hope you found this post about vulnerability and friendships helpful and interesting. Bring vulnerable is definitely not always easy, especially if you’re used to having your guard up. But I truly believe it’s essential in order to be closer with your friends. Being vulnerable is not being weak. It takes strength and courage to do so. 🙂

If you have any questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below!