One Sided Friendships – How To Deal With Them

One sided friendships, and what to do about them.

In anything in life, it can feel like you’re putting in most of the work while everyone else is slacking off. Whether it’s a group project at school, or playing basketball with people, why does it always have to be you to carry the team?

However, when it comes to friendships, being one sided is NOT a healthy relationship. Have you ever felt like you’re the one who is carrying the friendship, while your friend is barely making any effort? Or do you feel like they’re only around when they need you, and then suddenly ghost you when it’s their turn to return the favor? I certainly have experienced one sided friendships myself.

If so, then this is the topic for you. We are going to be talking about one sided friendships and how to deal with them. I’ll go over the signs and examples of how one sided friendships work and if you’re in the same situation. And I’ll go over what you can do to potentially resolve it or best manage the situation.

I myself have been in one sided friendships, so I know what it’s like to be used as a friend and not being appreciated. If one is not paying attention, you may not notice. But a lot of the time, I feel like your intuition will pick up on it as well.

Here are some examples where a friendship can be one sided:

You have to initiate everything.

Pretty self-explanatory. You’re the one who has to message or call them first before they start talking to you. Or you’re the one who has to try to make plans to meet up together in order to see each other. They’ll never be the one to message you first to hangout or talk.

I’ve certainly been in this situation before. I’d always have to try to message them to keep the friendship going. And even if I tried to get them to meet up with me, I could feel the lack of motivation or effort on their part to want to see me.

Pretty much if you weren’t the one to take initiative, the friendship would be dead in the water. And that might be okay. More on that later.

They’re only around when they need you.

On the flip side, you can also have one sided friendships where your friends actually do talk and communicate with you. BUT only when they need you or when you’re useful.

For example, when I was younger, I owned a lot of cool video games as a kid! But that also meant I got taken advantage by my so-called friends. They would only talk or want to hangout with me if they want to play my video games; they didn’t actually want to hangout with me personally. When I was a kid, I was too naive to realize this. But growing up, I picked up on that, and it made me a bit sad.

Unfortunately, you see the same type of behavior and one sided friendships as adults. I’ve heard of my friends who get used like this. For example, I knew someone who was the only designated driver of the group. His friends only wanted to hangout with him because they wanted a free car ride from him.

And I’ve personally seen situations where one friend only hangs out with the group if they get a free meal or something paid for them. When it’s their turn to pay, they conveniently say they cannot make it. Gee I wonder why? Never a good thing to do and one way to be ignored by friends (click here to read all the reasons why friends ignore you).

So unfortunately, some friendships are based on usefulness. And you may be in one where you’re just being used.

It’s always about them.

Have you ever felt like you’re always the one having to listen to your friend’s problems and being their emotional shoulder to carry them? But when you need some of that same support from them, they’re nowhere to be found? Well, that’s another sign of a one sided friendship.

I personally haven’t been in this situation. Maybe I’m just mean and don’t allow this to happen. But I do know of a lot of people who get taken advantage of this way. Like their friend will talk to them for hours about THEIR problems. But when it’s time for the other friend to talk, they’re suddenly busy and have to go. I just think that is wrong, and hopefully you’re not in this situation of a one sided friendship.

Alright, now that I’ve showed you some examples, how do we take care of one sided friendships? Let’s find out…

Enforce your boundaries.

I find that being assertive and enforcing your boundaries is the best passive way to avoid one sided friendships. If you assert yourself as someone who doesn’t accept being taken advantage of, or someone who expects high standards from people, then it’s less likely that someone would ever try a one sided friendship with you.

I’m fairly certain that my friends know that I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior. They know that they can’t use me to always pay for their stuff, or to be their emotional support all the time. If they tried it, they know how quickly I’d remove them as friends!

This is my observation, but I noticed that one sided friendships tend to form when one party is passive and doesn’t put their foot down. It’s sad that some friends would do this, but some people will try to take advantage of a situation for their own selfish use.

Be open and honest about the friendship.

Sometimes you just have to confront and talk about the situation with your friend. For example, if your friend only talks to you when they need emotional support and avoid you otherwise, you need to talk to them about that. You can tell them you can’t always be their emotional support, and that it’s unfair that they’re always doing the talking and not you..

Maybe they’ll realize their wrongdoing and treat you better afterwards. It certainly has for me! Remember, they’re still your friends and they probably don’t want to cause any issues with you. A good friend will want you to feel good and change their behaviors.

Let them go temporarily.

Last but not least, sometimes you just have to let your friend go, at least temporarily. If you’re putting in the effort while your friend isn’t doing the same, then there isn’t much you can do about it.

A wise mentor I know said about relationships; you are only 50 percent of the equation. If you’re contributing to the friendship but your friend is not, then it’s out of your control. You can’t healthily maintain a one sided friendship. And in my opinion, it’s best to let them go.

That’s what I’ve done with some of my one sided friendships in the past. Maybe with time, the other friend will come to appreciate your efforts and eventually pitch in. But if not, then I’d say it was best to let them go because you weren’t benefitting from that friendship anyway. Sometimes you just have to move on from that friendship if you’re the only one contributing. There’s no point in trying to maintain the friendship if you’re not receiving the same type of treatment from your friend.

Conclusion

Anyways, I hope you found this post about one sided friendships informative and useful. I’d say it’s pretty common for these type of friendships to happen. But you have control when it does occur. And I showed what you can do when you’re in a situation like this.

If you have any questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below!