Is Conflict Necessary In Friendships?

Is conflict necessary in friendships?

This is a question that I myself have struggled with. On one hand, I think it’s normal for people to avoid conflict. And when it comes to something as personal and close as friendships, having problems with your close friends is the last thing you’d imagine.

But on the other hand, without the ability to be truly honest and transparent with friends, even when it hurts, that lack of honesty can really limit how deep a friendship can go. After all, a good friend wants what’s best for you and if they’re unable to tell you when you’re going in the wrong direction, how can they be a true friend?

So I decided to make a post about this, to settle this once and for all! Do we need to fight with our friends from time to time? Or it unnecessary drama for everyone involved? That’s what we will be talking about today!

In this post, we’ll go over conflict in friendships and answer the question “is conflict necessary in friendships?” I’ll talk about both sides of the argument and see the pros and cons. Overall, in my opinion, conflict is a necessary evil in order to have the best friendships. But you don’t need to go out of your way to find any issues; let it come naturally when it happens.

Without further ado, let’s get started!

Honesty is the best policy.

If there’s one rule I follow with my friends, it’s that honesty is the best policy. I’m all about wanting what’s best for my friends and unfortunately, that sometime can mean you have to tell them truths that may not sit well with them.

For example, one time my friend was acting all strange and not being himself. So instead of trying to cater to him and be nice about it, I had to be upfront and tell him that he was not acting in his best interests. I told him he needed to change his behaviours in order to be happy again and enjoy his life.

So while it may have hurt him emotionally at first to tell him that, in the end he was happier in the long run when he realized that he had to change. Maybe he appreciated that I acted in his best interests, maybe not. Either way, I wanted what’s best for my friend, so I had to be honest and upfront with him. What’s that saying? Gotta be cruel to be kind.

On the flip side, I’ve had friends be upfront and honest with me, even when it hurt my feelings at first. They would tell me when I’m avoiding problems. They would say when I’m doing something wrong. Heck, I’ve had friends tell me when I’m doing something stupid! But with all these scenarios, they didn’t do it to hurt my feelings (at least not directly). They were only trying to help me in the long run. So while their criticisms did sting a bit initially, in the end I felt happy that my friends cared about me.

Don’t confuse conflict with destructive criticism.

On the flip side, I don’t want you to confuse conflict with destructive criticism. Unfortunately, there will be some people who thrive on putting people down, including yourself. And that can include your own friends.

I talk about this in my post about friends that you need to remove from your life (click here to read the signs of a bad friend). But in short, there will be times in your life where you need to stop seeing friends if they’re bringing you down. Friendships are dynamic and always changing. And while some friendships can grow, others can change for the worse. One of the symptoms of a negative friendship is if your friend is always bringing you down.

So how do you know the difference between a helpful friend versus a destructive friend? To be honest, it can be hard to tell sometimes. In many situations, a friend can criticize and have conflicts with you because they want what’s best for you. The best thing to ask is if their criticism is helping you in the long run. If the answer is yes, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt. But if their criticism serves no purpose other than to hurt you, then it may time to analyze whether this friend is worth keeping around.

Don’t be afraid of conflict in friendships.

Last but not least, the best way to approach the issue of conflict = don’t be afraid of conflict in friendship. I like to frame it in a way that invites my friends to be truthful and honest to me. You have to show your friends that you’re okay with them being upfront and honest with you. Actions speak louder than words.

For example, if your friends tell you something you don’t like, it’s okay to not have a positive reaction to it. But if you get upset and explode emotionally on them, that’ll discourage them to not be upfront with you. And to me, that doesn’t lead to a healthy friendship, when you have to hide or suppress things.

Here are some techniques on how to encourage honesty and truthfulness from your friends:

• Always be open to suggestions and improvements. I always invite my friends to give me suggestions on how to improve things in life and get their feedback. That way, they know that I’m open to what they have to say.
• Avoid reacting negatively to criticism and conflict. I know this may be hard to do, but it’s important to keep a cool head when your friends have a problem with you and want to solve it. If you always react negatively to them, they will be less open to you. And you don’t want that.
• Be honest with them. I find when you’re honest and upfront with your own friends, it’ll encourage them to do the same. You don’t need to be a public relations person with your friends. Let your guard down and show them the real you!

Conclusion

Anyways, I hope you found this post useful. Hopefully I answered the question, “is conflict necessary in friendships?” As you can see, while you shouldn’t necessarily look to cause conflict with your friends, you shouldn’t also seek to avoid it. Friendships are full of peaks and valleys, and only by addressing these issues head on, can you expect your friendships to grow and be strong.

If you have any questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below!