How To Deal With A Controlling Friend

How to deal with a controlling friend.

When it comes to making and choosing our friends, we try to pick ones that are best for us. And one of those things we look for is one that agrees with us and lets us do our own thing. That’s what friends are for after all; they are there to complement your lifestyle, not make it a burden!

However, from time to time, we will run into friends who seem a bit more controlling and demanding. Whether it’s them wanting to always decide on the plans or needing to know every detail of your life or when you’ll get there, these friends can make you feel uncomfortable in how much they want to control you.

Should you get rid of these friends? Or is there a way to work things out in order to stay friends with them? That’s what we will be talking about today.

In this post, I’ll give you the things you should know on how to deal with a controlling friend. If you feel your friend is trying to control you, then it’s time to take action. These steps will help you address what your friend is doing and how to take care of it.

Without further ado, let’s begin.

What are the signs of a controlling friend?

Everyone has their own interpretation of a controlling friend. There can be so many ways that a friend can try to control you, including:

• Wanting to always make the plans for when you guys go out (e.g. the activities, the restaurants to go to)
• Always contacting you and messaging you, to figure out where you are
• When things don’t go as your friend planned, they will get mad or upset at you
• When you disagree or don’t accept their ways, they lash at you
• In general, your friend can’t accept any alternatives beside their own ways

I’m sure you may have encountered a friend who did one of these things to you. If you have, then you know you have a controlling friend at hand.

If you do, let’s see what you can do.

Understand why they are being controlling to you.

A friend may try to control you for various reasons, and not all of them are malicious or with bad intent. For example, a controlling friend may be prone to anxiety and fear of the unknown. They may be anxious when they don’t know what is happening or if things aren’t aligned or prepared in advance. They’re not the type for having spontaneous outings. If they are anxious of not having control of everything, then it’s a sign of insecurity.

However, others may feel superior when they have control over others, including yourself. I wouldn’t consider this a healthy trait to have. Some friends can be just stubborn and only want things their way. I remember having a friend who would only hangout with us for dinner if we ate the type of food he wanted.

While you can’t change the way your friend behaves, you can try to address the issue.

Show them assertiveness.

At some point, you’ll want to confront your friend about their controlling ways. You don’t need to blow up in their face and start a big argument with them. Sometimes, you can assertively bring it up and they will understand your point.

So if they’re the type of person who controls because of their anxiety, then you should let them know that they don’t need to know where you are at all times, and that as their friend, they can count on trusting you.

If they want to control you to feel superior, then you need to let them know that you’re not going to put up with that. While you are their friend, you are your own person that makes their own decisions.

If they always want to decide on your plans, then you got to let them know that they have to compromise sometimes; it can’t always be about them!

Be willing to let them go.

If they are a good friend to you, they will see your perspective and change their ways. A friend may be a controlling person but a good friend won’t compromise the friendship. Whenever I had a controlling friend that needed to be addressed, I just told them they need to chill out with their controlling ways. Most of the time, they were apologetic and we had no issues after that.

However, not everyone may be like that. Some friends will not accept your concerns about them being so controlling. If they continue to disrespect you after you brought up these issues, then perhaps you need to let them go. Some people cannot change their ways, and you certainly won’t. But you can definitely hangout with friends who will treat you better. Anyways, I hope you found this post helpful. If you have any questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below.