Do You Find It Hard To Make Friends?
Do you find it hard to make friends?
In today’s world, it can feel like it’s impossible to make friends. Whether it’s your busy schedule getting in your way, or you feel like most people are anti-social, it can be difficult to break into a new circle of friends. You’re not alone; many people feel lonely these days (link). On top of that, we are so dependent on in the Internet that I feel we may have forgotten how to socialize in-person!
But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you cannot make new friends. In fact, I’ll explain why you are finding it hard to make friends. That’s what we’ll be talking about today!
In this post, I’ll go over 5 potential reasons why you find it hard to make friends. By going through these issues and fixing them, I can almost guarantee that you’ll find much better success making new friends. Just know that there are always people looking to meet new friends; you just have to put yourself in the best situation to do so.
Without further ado, let’s get started!
1. You’re not giving yourself enough opportunities.
The first reason you may find it hard to make friends may or may not be so obvious. If you’re always busy without giving yourself any opportunities to go out, then it will be nearly impossible for you to meet new friends!
It’s not like people will be flocking to you to be your new friend. Maybe in a video game, but not in real life! No, you have to take the initiative and make time for social opportunities. Whether that means going out to events and social gatherings on your days off work, or asking your current friends to refer you to other new friends, you gotta get out there and make the first moves.
In my experience at least, whenever I made the conscious effort to try to make new friends by going out more and keeping an open mind to meeting new people, I had no issues finding friends! So I think this is the biggest barrier for sure; not giving yourself the opportunities, whether you’re aware of it or not.
2. You’re turning people off unintentionally.
As harsh as it may sound, your own behaviors can be a big reason why you’re not making any new friends. People want to hangout and be friends with others who provide value to them. So if you have negative behaviors, they won’t want to be your friend.
Now I don’t know you personally, but if you feel like you have some unattractive habits or behaviors that are turning off others, then that could definitely be a huge reason why you’re finding it hard to make new friends. You don’t have to be perfect, but if you’re not socially aware (click here to learn how to be more socially aware), you may be unaware of your unattractive behaviors.
Some of these “bad” traits can include:
- Always talking about yourself
- Being a bad listener
- Talking bad about others in conversation
- Having an overall negative attitude
- Hygiene (never forget how important this is!)
What I suggest is having mentors with you that will give honest feedback. While you could ask your friends as well, most of the time they won’t be honest because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. So a mentor is best to know if you’re doing something wrong that you’re unaware of.
3. Finding the wrong group of people.
Yes it pains me to say this. But there are some subcultures that are simply more exclusive than inclusive. I’ve had my fair share of dealing with people in different types of hobbies, and some are more accepting of “newcomers” than others.
For example, I am into geeky stuff and found it quite easy to connect with other “nerds” whenever I went to a geek event. However, whenever I attended a more formal type of event, it was more difficult to connect with those type of people.
So your personality and your own interests/hobbies will make it easier and more difficult to connect with certain types of people. You should try to find people who are into the same hobbies as you are, as they will be the easiest to connect with. Now I’m not saying you can’t find new friends who are the total opposite of you; it’ll just be easier if you have some commonality.
4. Your conversations are closed off.
You might be meeting new people, but perhaps your conversations are closing off your opportunities you connect with others. Unlike meeting people at school where you see the same people everyday, when it comes to meeting people in your 30s and beyond, you may only get one chance to meet someone and you have to do it right.
One of the most important things you need to do is have open-ended conversations with potential new friends. That means asking questions and sharing your experiences and opening up. If you’re not being open, giving one-word answers and not really engaging in a conversation, then the person is going to assume you’re not interested in being their friend.
On top of that, you need to find a way to connect with someone after the conversation or social gathering is over. Examples include:
- Giving your business card
- Sharing your phone number
- Giving them your social media account (e.g. Facebook, Instagram)
So while you may be meeting new people, you might be closing off that opportunity if you’re not being open and/or not giving a way to connect afterwards.
5. Your location.
Last but not least, your own geographic location can make things more difficult for you. Yes, you might think that living in a rural area will make it hard to meet others and that could be true.
But I also believe living in a big city can also hinder your efforts to make new friends as well. I have lived in a large city for most of my life, and it can really feel like you’re a small fish in a really big pond! A big city can have really “cold” vibes and can feel like no one wants to be your friend. A highly competitive city can make you feel less worthy if you don’t have superficial qualities such as looks and/or money.
So I know it’s not easy to uproot your life and move to a new city to make friends more easily. But if you’re finding it hard to make friends in your area (rural or urban), try a different place near your area. At least where I live, I have friends in all over the metropolitan region. It came naturally that way and I feel like I gave my best opportunity by not limiting myself to only one area.
Summary
To summarize, here are the 5 reasons why it may be hard to make friends:
- You’re not giving yourself enough opportunities.
- You’re turning people off unintentionally.
- Finding the wrong group of people.
- Your conversations are closed off.
- Your location.
And there you have it; 5 reasons why it may seem hard to make friends. I hope you found this post informative!
If you have questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below!
