Do You Talk Too Much?

Do you talk too much?

I certainly think I do! So if you do, don’t feel bad; we’re in the same boat.

It’s weird because when people think of being socially awkward or incompetent, we often vision someone who doesn’t talk much. Either that, or we picture them saying the wrong things at the wrong time, or not being able to calibrate to the situation. I feel like a lot of people struggle to not talk enough.

However, it seems that people like me have the OPPOSITE problem, where I end up talking too much. Not in a narcissistic or selfish way (at least I think so), but not giving the other person enough time to speak and finish what they have to say. Because I’ve done so much learning about social skills and had plenty of practice from the days I used to run social gatherings, I feel the need to keep conversations going. Maybe I’ve gotten too good at having conversations, to the point where I have the opposite problem.

If you cannot relate to this, then you can skip this article. But if you feel the same way that I do, then read on. We are going to discuss this today!

In this post, I’ll go over the question, “do you talk too much” and what you can do about it. I’ll go over the struggles of being a strong talker, and the steps I recommend taking to correct yourself. Overall, being able to socialize is a great thing but we must remember that being a good listener is just as important. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Alright, let’s get into it.

How I started noticing that I’m potentially talking too much.

To start, I’ve never had anyone tell me that I talk too much, or ever confront me about it. So that’s what makes it hard to determine if I actually am or not. Maybe it’s just in my head.

The only exception is when someone actually did, which I’ll get into later.

But one thing I do notice is when I talk to people these days; after a while, they start crossing their arms while they’re talking or while I’m talking. And from what I’ve read about body language, arms crossed are a VERY bad sign! It means the person is feeling negative emotions. And in the case, maybe I talking over someone is what causes those arms to cross.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when I do talk a lot in conversations, that the listener starts to cross their arms as a negative response. That’s the biggest thing I notice.

But one day, I was in a group setting. Someone was trying to explain what was going on. And I wanted to jump in and give my two cents when I thought they were done talking. So as I started talking, one of them told me to shush! I was wondering what was going on. A few seconds later, he said to not interrupt that person that was talking.

At that point, I realized that maybe I do have a problem! That I need to control my tendency to talk over people or simply talking too much. To have someone actually tell me not to interrupt was the breaking point.

To be fair, this isn’t a deal breaker for my friendships at all (click here to view all the things that can truly end a friendship). I find my tendency to talk too much to be a minor issue. With that said, I am always trying to improve myself and be the best friend that I possibly can, within reason. So I want to try to address this habit and potentially fix it.

How do I plan on fixing it? Let’s go over that now.

What I’m doing to remedy my bad habit to talk too much.

• Resisting my tendency to talk. This is probably the hardest thing. I love to give my opinion on stuff and it’s hard to resist the urge to give my two cents. But let’s be real; some people don’t care about your opinion. So I do my best to just be a good listener and hear what people have to say, without giving my input. Sometimes that’s what people truly want in a conversation; to be heard, not hearing someone out.
• Wait for at least 3 seconds pause before talking. If a conversation requires me to talk, then what I’ll do now is require myself to wait at least 3 seconds before talking. And I’m already noticing a difference. I notice that some people DO have a lot to say, but they were slow to articulate their point. Like they’ll say a sentence or two, pause for a few seconds, and then start talking again. So it’s important to give these people time to finish what they have to say and not interrupt them. It’s hard for someone like me who is used to summarizing talking points quickly. But I have to get used to it.
• Stop talking if arms are crossed. I’m not perfect, so there have been times where people still cross their arms even though I’m more mindful of not talking over someone. I make mistakes and slip up and end up talking too much. So when the arms get crossed, I’ll just simply stop talking and let them keep talking or hopefully see those arms not crossed anymore. Of course, I’ll still show that I’m listening to them (e.g. nodding in acknowledgement). But I just won’t say anything unless I feel the need to do so.

Conclusion

Anyways, I hope you found this post informative. I’m hoping I can address this issue and look forward to seeing the results of these remedial solutions. Again, it’s nothing major and I don’t feel like it’s negatively affecting my friendships that badly. But I always look to improve myself. And once I do, I’ll make a follow-up post to let you know how it went!

If you have any questions or feedback, leave them in the comments below!